Sad

It really just hasn't been the best week. 

The little girl was sick for her first Christmas. She tried to be a trooper through the 4 Christmases and 500 miles in 30 hours, but she was just not her happy entertaining self, and I'm so sorry she didn't get to enjoy it like she should have. She went to the doctor on Friday and has an ear infection, and is on the mend, but what a day to get sick. It hurt my heart for her.

Kenneth had to go to the doctor on Saturday. He has been sick for weeks, but refused to go, but gave up being stubborn and went. Now I'm kinda sickly, but I think mine is just a minor cold and I'll clear up in a few days.

I got terrible news from Carrie about Daniel's dad. The truth is, I don't even know what to say to her or Daniel about it. "I'm sorry" really doesn't mean anything. I know all the optimists in the world that are saying he'll turn around and beat it are probably annoying, even with their great intentions. There's always hope, sure, but it doesn't sound like there's much of it, and just trying to skim over what will probably happen and dismissing it doesn't really make anyone feel better. Because then you have to put on that brave face and say "Sure he can beat it! He will, I just know it!" even when you may not mean it. I love Carrie and Daniel so much. They are my best friends. My go-tos. Some of the only people in the world where you can hang out and not really feel like you're doing anything different than hanging out at home, not being anyone else but you. Not a guest, or a host, or anything. You just get to be you. I want nothing but greatness and happiness for them, ever. The truth is, I'm a little bit mad that they have to deal with this. They shouldn't. I wish I could fix it. 

And, to end this depressing little thing I have going, my childhood puppy died today. She really was a truly great dog. I kind of knew at Christmas that I may not see her again. She's been really old for a really long time, but it will really sting the next time we go visit and she doesn't come up to say hi to us. She has been around to see me through the worst grief of my life, the fights with my dad, the rebellious prodigal daughter phase, being married and becoming a mama, and I'm very sad that she won't be there for the rest. My stepmom said they buried her with 3 new cases of tennis balls, which she lived to chase right up to the end, and I can't think of a more perfect way to send her off. Some archaeologist 6000 years from now will think that they know how loved she was, but they'll just have a little fragment of how much it really is. 

The bad things going on will get better. Sicknesses heal, grief lessens eventually if they don't, and sometimes just the busy-ness of life can be a godsend for the distraction it brings. 

Christmas

I can't believe it's here already. All the presents are bought and wrapped (and some already unwrapped. What can I say? I'm like a little kid about Christmas. I want my presents as soon as someone will let me have them.) The princess got to unwrap her very first Christmas present, and LOVED it (picture as soon as I can find where the husband hid the camera). In fact, she loved it so much she unwrapped two of her uncle's presents too. Silly girl. I got a VERY cool new knife to cook with. I'm going to have to step up my cooking skills to warrant owning such a beautiful thing. Kenneth got an iPod touch (do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch, etc. It's been in my head since I ordered it. Stupid effective advertising). I don't think he's put it down since he got it. He may have slept with it even. 

In other news, I still don't like egg nog. I try it every year. And every year, I almost like it and just fall short of actually liking it. I'm sure I'll try again next year, but this year is still a no-go. 

I have to say, even with the happy holiday time, there is a lot of terrible things happening to people I care about. It's a weight on my shoulders that some of my best friends are struggling through horrible things at what should be such a happy time, and there's just nothing I can do to help any of them. We're all too busy with family things to see each other, and I think everyone needs that more than ever. So here's my love to my friends, in a cold little impersonal blog, because that's the only way anyone has time to say it these days. A new year and fresh beginnings are just around the corner. Hang tight, my friends. It will get better. Try to enjoy your Christmas. I'm thinking about you. 

It's the little things

It's easy to forget to do things like put up all the clothes you see in the background of this picture when you spend time pondering why, when surrounded by awesome toys that make noise, jingle, rattle, pop out balls to chase, have good soft fluffiness, etc., that a simple dollar store rubber duck that is supposed to be a bath toy is the ultimate favorite. This thing goes with her everywhere. And really, look how happy it makes her. It's a little stupid but a whole, whole lot cute. And don't lie. I know you are jealous of her eyelashes. I am too.

For real?

See, I was just beginning to think that maybe just maybe the little girl was starting to look like me just a little. And then I'm browsing through the pics taken with the webcam and find this. So no, she still doesn't look like me. Got the blue eyes, but otherwise, she's exactly like her dumb dad. I had to cook her! She should at least look like me by osmosis! It isn't fair. But how lucky that she manages to look like him only a lot less goofy and a lot more pretty. It takes a special girl to pull that off.

Progress

Ok, so today was the day for the monthly review at my gym, even though I've only been there two weeks. So I got weighed while I looked at the ceiling because I'm weird, and then I got measured, and guess what? I've lost two inches off my waist already! In two weeks, including all the Thanksgiving feasts! I really didn't expect to see any progress at all, I mean, it's only been two weeks, and I know these things take awhile to happen, but HOW COOL IS THAT? So I'm super excited. It's 6 weeks until our Orlando trip, and I'm going to be smokin hot when we go. Florida won't even know what hit it! And I bought a dress for $600 off what it cost originally and I think it's going to be beautiful. I don't know why I think I can buy a dress sight unseen and love it when I've tried on fifty and hated them all, but I just have a good feeling about it. We'll see when it gets here.

The princess panda has taken three steps all by herself in the last week. I can't believe how big she is getting. She is just so much fun these days. All personality and happy and cute, but stubborn and silly and wonderful. I really like her. I think I'll keep her.

We have nothing planned for this week or weekend. We still have to get our Christmas stuff out and put up, and I have to start shopping soon. I know it's December, but I still just don't really feel like it's Christmas yet. I'm getting there though. It's going to be an easy shopping year, except my dumb husband. The man doesn't want or need anything, the spoiled brat! I'm supposed to be the spoiled one here! I'll think of something though. It will be fun this year with the little girl. I'm excited to see her eat wrapping paper. 

OW

If ever you should find yourself in a gym, running late to a kickboxing class, only to walk in and find out that, instead of kickboxing, they are doing something called "interval training" today, my heartfelt advice is to RUN RUN RUN away in the other direction, as fast as you can. You will hate me for telling you to run but believe me, it is FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Interval training is a demonic combination of step aerobics (which I am way too uncoordinated for), weight training, a thousand lunges, and jump roping. It is nonstop coordinated confusion of hurting. Don't do it. Don't get suckered in by the sweet looking women saying "Oh sure you can do it! It will be fun! It's ok that it's only your fourth day here and you are obviously out of shape, it will be GREAT!" Don't believe their smiling faces. Just don't do it. 

I'm trying to tell myself I will feel better tomorrow, but the honest truth is, my sweet little baby is in her room yelling at me to get her from her nap and the thought of having to stand up, walk, and pick her up is bringing tears to my eyes. 

Exciting!

I have been to the gym every day so far, and I know it's dumb because it's too soon to tell a difference but I really do feel SO much better. The princess does really well there, and we have a nice little routine going that I think will be easy to keep up. I found out today that my goal is to lose 3 BMI points. I don't know what that means, but really, my goal is to be in a size 8 by mid-January. Why mid-January, you ask? Well, my friends, let me just tell you! Because in mid-January, I am going on an all expense paid trip to ORLANDO! WOOHOOOOO!!!!! 

Kenneth won a pretty major award at his company and got a free vacation out of the deal, and I get to tag along for putting up with him. How cool is that? Pretty freaking awesome cool, that's how cool! 

So tomorrow is my first ever attempt at kickboxing. Should be fun. Yoga is the COOLEST. It is so much harder than I thought it would be, and I have muscles I didn't even know existed that are sore today, but it is a good feeling, and it was really calming, which we all know spastic me needs. Good times. In fact, so good I may actually venture back up there tonight to do it again. I'm really liking this gym stuff.

Whew!

So I did not win at poker. But Kenneth won and took me to Joe T.'s so it's a little hard to call it "losing" if Joe T Garcia's is involved. It was fun to get to visit with my buddies, even though I accidentally yelled at one, and ruined another one's cream sweater when I hit my wine glass dealing and spilled it all over him. SORRY! I'm really really sorry! But I still had fun, even with all my social faux pas. 

Today is my first official day of belonging to a gym. I went this morning and it felt so good to move and to feel like I'm really doing something to feel better about myself. The princess had a good time chasing an older boy while I sweated, so we all won. Tomorrow is YOGA! Please stay tuned for a probably highly entertaining account of how that went. I almost fell over after getting off the treadmill today, imagine when I'm trying to contort and hold these crazy positions. Should be fun. So far I think I'm really going to like this gym thing. I met a new person today who seems really cool, and everyone that works there is super nice. We'll see how it goes.

Goofing off

We maybe do this in our spare time. A lot.


What? Oh, you were hating huh? Well here's what we think of you, Mr. Jealous Face!

TGIF!

So the dress did NOT love me as much as I loved it. But, oh me oh my, did I ever love it. It is easily the most beautiful dress I've ever (almost) put on. That even includes the wedding dress. It was just that incredible. Having big knockers is rarely all it's cracked up to be. It's ok though. I have over a month to find a different dress that I love. I will find it! It is out there waiting for me! Maybe I will find it tonight. Jade the eternal optimist.

I am so so glad that my gorilla man is back home, and it made my heart sing to see how much my little panda missed her daddy. There was not a faster crawling baby on the planet than when she turned the corner and saw him walk in the door.

And...woohoo! POKER tomorrow night! The next time I'll be checking in, it will be to say that I earned some new shopping money. I'm so excited to get all my friends together again. Even if it's only been a week for most of them, it's always too long. 

Patience

It's just not my virtue. I was not meant to be patient. I am a doer. A goer. When I have something I want to accomplish, I want it done yesterday. This whole week I've had to wait. Wait to paint because it was raining. Wait for Kenneth to get back. Wait to hear back about school. It's driving me crazy.

BUT...good things have happened this week. I get to buy a new dress, and I think I found one I'm in love with. I also have an appointment tomorrow to visit a gym I may join to get my butt in shape and get out of the house during the day, and I'm excited about all those possibilities. Maybe Fit Jade will make an appearance soon, and I can take her on a vacation somewhere. Or just buy her new clothes. 

So we'll see. A week's worth of things almost happening.

Missing gorillas

Why is it that husbands are never right? He's here, and he's driving me crazy. He's not here, and I'm bored out of my mind. The princess keeps me busy during the day, but right now, when she's asleep, and it's just me, there is just not enough tv noise in the world to drown out the rain and my longing to have my gorilla man to snuggle up on the couch with and have peanut butter and honey bread and chocolate milk. It's just not the same without him.

Welcome to me!

So, since Carrie asked, and because I love her too much for words, I'm having a blog! It's an exciting time for me to blog. The Princess Panda is doing cool new and big things everyday, and I am getting ready to go back to school. I just finished my application, and I am nervous/excited/anxious to get started/maybe a touch scared. It's one of those things that, no matter how much I wanted it, I really truly thought I would never have the opportunity to go back. So, I'll find out in 10 days if I get to, although I doubt there will be any issues there. 

And in other exciting things, everyone but Carrie and I are having babies I think. I'm super excited. I can speak firsthand here. Babies are awesome. How that little crying messy bundle can make people so insanely happy is truly a miracle, but it is the best thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm so glad people I love are getting to experience all that too. Plus I want new baby pictures on my fridge. The princess is getting too big, and I can live vicariously through them without having to have another miracle of my own just yet.